


a dog's life

by rxpunzels



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Dog Walking Club, Dogs galore, Multi, OC's Galore - Freeform, RIchie Adopts a Stray Cat, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, groupchat, originally posted on twitter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:53:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24409861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxpunzels/pseuds/rxpunzels
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak, NYC dog groomer, is part of a dog-walking group with his close friends. When Stan and Patty ask if their friend can join, Eddie is dubious but agrees.Only for it to be comedian Richie Tozier. And does he think it’s funny to show up with a cat on a leash?
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Dan Torrance, Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this fic originally existed as my brain baby on Twitter (over on my account @rxpunzelss) but I wanted to post the transcript of it here. There still might be the occasional formatting bug so please forgive me for that.
> 
> In case you're new, welcome! Some housekeeping for you:
> 
> This AU is set in New York, the Losers all know each other bar Richie. Eddie owns his own dog grooming salon where Patty and Audra also work. This fic also features a few original characters, most predominantly Eddie's other employees: Marley Bostwick (FC: Florence Pugh) and Abby Phillips (FC: Natasha Liu Bordizzo), who also happens to be Audra's cousin. Both of them are 23.
> 
> Due to pets being featured heavily in this au, I'll give you a quick rundown of which Loser owns which pet.
> 
> Eddie: Kyle (emotional support dog) and Gertie  
> Richie: Sloth (a stray cat he adopted like two seconds ago)  
> Patty and Stan: Alfie and Simba  
> Bill and Audra: Merry and Pippin  
> Mike: Elmer  
> Ben and Bev: Elsa

**Eddie Kaspbrak  
** @eddiek_

We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals. Owner of Kaspbrak Canine Combs. For business enquiries please contact @eddiek27@gmail.com

_Manhattan, NYC  
kaspbrakcaninecombs.com_

**153** following **180** followers

**@eddiek_**

> If you don’t brush your dog’s coat on a regular basis, how the hell do you expect me to get a month’s worth of matting out of their fur? I’m not a fucking magician.

_____

 **Richie Tozier** **☑  
** @trashmouthtalks

everyone asks scooby-doo where are you but nobody asks scooby-doo HOW are you?

_new yawk_

**85** following **54.2k** followers

**@trashmouthtalks**

> lol are cat scratches dangerous

_____

**Stanley Uris**  
@stanbird

calc-u-later.

_patty_

**367** following **352** followers

**@stanbird**

> Richie found a stray cat and is determined that he’s keeping it. I’m so fucking tired.

_____

**Patricia Blum Uris**  
@pattyuris

I’m not saying my job is better than yours, but I get to play with dogs all day.

_stanley_

**49** following **45** followers

**@pattyuris**

> Helping Richie name his new cat! He’s adorable.

_____

**bev marsh**  
@bevmarshmallow

pugs not drugs.

_mr ben handsome_

**264** following **11.4k** followers

**@bevmarshmallow**

> date night just means trying to cuddle ben and elsa wriggling her way in between us.

_____

**ben hanscom**  
@benhandsome

my heart burns there too. bev ❤️

**127** following **3,621** followers

**@benhandsome**

> I know Elsa can’t talk but she’s definitely judging my poetry right now.

_____

**Mike Hanlon**  
@mikeyhanny

being at one with nature is great so long as i have enough data to stream africa by toto

**210** following **98** followers

**@mikeyhanny**

> Elmer decided to take one of Bill’s books out into the garden and buried it. Sorry, man. @BillDenbrough

_____

**Bill Denbrough**  
@BillDenbrough

I would rather spend one lifetime with you @audrama | mediocre writer

_Manhattan_

**241** following **5,608** followers

**@BillDenbrough**

> @mikeyhanny Et tu, Elmer?

_____

**Audra Denbrough**  
@audrama

than face all the ages of this world alone @BillDenbrough | dog mom to merry and pippin and aspiring actress

**902** following **1,080** followers

**@audrama**

> I know I should probably tell Eddie to stop yelling at his customers but sometimes it’s so entertaining. (And he’s also right. Please take care of your pup’s coat!)

_____

**marley** 🌈  
@marleyandmeme

i have one personality trait and it’s being a lesbian | she/her

**332** following **650** followers

**@marleyandmeme**

> lmao boss man is yelling at another shitty dog owner but apparently i’m not allowed to laugh bc abby is being too pure and says it’s mean. hufflepuff ass bitch.

_____

**abby phillips** 🌸  
@abbyreads

you’re in her dm’s. i’m telling her how ardently i admire and love her i admire and love her. we are not the same. she/her, bi [pink heart]

_jane austen’s girlfriend_

**111** following **300** followers

**@abbyreads**

> @marleyandmeme you wouldn’t be laughing if you were the one who had to respond to all the bad reviews on the facebook page!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Richie’s phone**.

**dadfather (stan) & mom (patty)**

**richie** i can’t believe i’m a father 😢

**dadfather** Make it stop.

**richie** how does it feel to be a grandfather???

**dadfather** I’m literally begging you. Take that thing to the fucking shelter.

**richie** but grandpa stan 😔

**dadfather** Patty, help me out here

**mom** I love my grandson!

**richie** HAHAHAHAHA

**dadfather** I honestly don’t know what I expected.

**richie** pleeeeeease can i keep him

**richie** pleeeease

**mom** We can’t take Sloth to the shelter! He’s family now.

**dadfather** Oh. He has a name. Wonderful.

_____

**Stan’s phone**

**babylove. (Patty)**

**babylove.** I promise this will be a good thing for Richie. We’ll take Sloth to the vet and make sure he’s vaccinated.

**babylove.** Richie already loves him, we can’t make him take him to a shelter.

**Stan** It’s not like I think we’ll be able to convince Richie to give him up now anyway.

**Stan** But I don’t see how it’s a good thing? He’s had such a hard year. I don’t want him to put more pressure on himself.

**Stan** Cats can’t survive on instant noodles.

**babylove.** Give him more credit than that!

**babylove.** He HAS had a rough time recently, you’re right. At least this will take his mind off of Connor.

**babylove.** Look how happy he was today with Sloth!

**Stan** It’s infuriating when you’re right all the time.

**babylove.** I know 😘

**Stan** But.

**Stan** Sloth? Really?

**Stan** That’s such a stupid name.

**babylove.** …

**babylove.** Goonies never say die, Stan.

_____

**Richie’s phone**

**dadfather & mom**

**dadfather** Richie.

**richie** si??

**dadfather** You can keep the cat.

_____

**Eddie’s phone.**

**Dog Walking Club**

**Eddie** I have a question.

**Ben** What’s up Eddie??

**Mike** Yeah?

**Bev** you okay eddie?

**Eddie** Actually, never mind. It’s probably not important.

**Bev** oh, ok!

**Eddie** Well actually, I just think it’s funny that it’s a week day and Stan is meant to be at work yet somehow when I checked the app he has the highest step count out of all of us.

**Bev** oh my god

**Audra** You all had to ask.

**Bill** Eddie, at this stage I think you’re the only one who still thinks the step count thing is a competition?

**Eddie** Oh really? Then why is Stan cheating?

**Stan** Just one day of peace. That’s all I want.

**Stan** To answer your question though, Eddie. I was at work but got dragged into a cat rescue on my lunch break.

**Eddie** Likely story??

**Patty** It’s true, Eddie! I was there. I’ll tell you all about it at work tomorrow!

**Mike** You rescued a cat? Stan the MAN!!

**Audra** Not all heroes wear caps 😍

**Eddie** Okay, now I feel like a dick.

**Stan** It’s fine, Eddie. It honestly wasn’t even that big of a deal.

**Stan** My friend found a stray cat and I helped him take care of it.

**Bill** Your friend?

**Eddie** Wait you rescued a STRAY cat?

**Bill** Stan, what friend?

**Eddie** In NEW YORK?

**Bev** awwww!!!

**Bill** Am I the only one concerned about Stan having another friend that isn’t us?

**Ben** That’s awesome Stan!!

**Eddie** It could have fucking RABIES

**Bill** Patty, did you know about this friend??

**Audra** I’m fucking howling.

**Stan** I don’t know why I haven’t left this chat yet.

**Stan** If I thought the cat had rabies, he’d be at the vet right now. We’re taking him tomorrow though, jut to be safe.

**Stan** And relax, Bill. he’s a friend from when I was a kid.

**Eddie** I can’t believe you tried to one up me on the step challenge and might have contracted an infectious disease in the process.

**Eddie** Patty maybe don’t come into work tomorrow. You could be a carrier.

**Stan** Give me strength.

**Bill** Seriouslythough. Are we still really doing the step count?

**Eddie** Am I a joke to you?

**Bev** eddie rjgjgkh

**Ben** I suppose it is pretty fun!

**Patty:** Remember when Mike nearly reached his 10k goal before Eddie so Eddie tackled him? [laughing emoji]

**Mike** My shirt still has grass stains from that 😂

**Eddie** Then change your fucking shirt

**Audra** Jesus hahahaha

**Bev** eddie you’re so competitive

**Bill** At least you’ll always beat Bev’s step count though.

**Bev** huh??

**Bill** I mean you’re always at the back of the group because Elsa is like, a really slow walker.

**Audra** Did he just-

**Eddie** Holy shit.

**Mike** Bill, no.

**Stan** Patty, come get dinner. You don’t need to see this.

**Bev** exCUSE me, bill??

**Bill** What did I say!?

**Audra** SHE ONLY HAS THREE LEGS YOU BITCH

_____

**Instagram update.**

**@trashmouthtalks**

_[sloth_the_cat.jpg]_

**21,085 likes**

**trashmouthtalks** i’m a proud dad 💖

_____

**Eddie’s phone.**

**Stan**

**Stan** Eddie, can I ask you a favor?

**Eddie** I have a feeling you’re going to anyway

**Stan** Correct.

**Stan** I was wondering if Patty and I could bring one of our friends on the next walk.

**Eddie** How many other friends do you have??

**Stan** This is the same one.

**Eddie** Well fuck he can keep the rabies at home

**Stan** The cat doesn’t have rabies.

**Eddie** I don’t think I believe you

**Stan** Okay, forget I asked.

**Eddie** Wait Stan

**Eddie** Sorry

**Eddie** Your friend can come

**Eddie** I just feel weird about a stranger joining us

**Eddie** But I trust you and Patty

**Stan** Thank, Eddie. He’s had a rough couple of months and doesn’t get out much anymore, so I think this will help him.

**Eddie** Okay see you tomorrow then.

_____

**Richie’s phone.**

**mom**

**richie** can you please tell stan i don’t want to be a part of your suburban mom dog walking group

**mom** See you bright and early tomorrow, Rich!

**richie** BUT MOOOOOOM

_____

**Eddie’s phone.**

**Marley**

**Marley** hey boss man i need a favor

**Eddie** You’re the second person to ask me for a favor today.

**Marley** amazing how i do not care

**Eddie** That’s a brave thing to say to someone who pays your wages.

**Marley** yeah but all the life advice i give you is free so it evens out

**Eddie** What do you want Marls?

**Marley** can i get a shift swap tomorrow, i need to finish a lil bit early

**Eddie** Yeah sure

**Eddie** You got plans?

**Marley** i gots me a date ✌️

**Eddie** Hm

**Marley** what??

**Eddie** Does Abby know?

**Marley** uh yeah and as we have already established she does Not Give One Fuck

**Eddie** If you say so

**Marley** i’m going to start charging for the life advice

**Eddie** Fine. I’ll start charging you for the attitude

**Marley** THAT’S FAIR LOVE U 💖

_____

**Instagram.**

**@eddiek_**

_[eddie_with_gertie.jpg]_

**56 likes**

**eddiek_** It’s this girl’s first walk with her new harness today. She’s ready to crush it. _#gertiethepug #dogdad #dogsofinstagram #ilovemydog_

**abbyreads** please tell gertie i would die for her 💕

**bevmarshmallow** 🎶 i want to see my little girl 🎶

**eddiek_** @bevmarshmallow Ok? We’re literally on our way?

**audrama** @bevmarshmallow 🎶 HERE SHE COMES 🎶

_____

**Eddie’s phone.**

**Dog Walking Club.**

**Stan** We’re on our way. Simba decided he wanted to pee on every streetlamp possible.

**Stan** Oh, Richie might be a little bit late, by the way

**Eddie** Who the fuck is Richie

**Eddie** Wait your friend?

**Eddie** So he invites himself along and then decides to be late?

**Stan** He didn’t invite himself along. I aksed him to come.

**Bev** hey it’s fine eddie, we have plenty of time!

**Bill** Yeah. The sidewalk doesn’t close until ever.

**Eddie** Very fucking funny Bill

**Patty** If it helps, I told him we were meeting half an hour ago so he’d actually show up close to on time.

**Audra** Ooh, that’s so sly Patty. I love it.

**Patty** 😂 After years of being his friend, I’ve learned how to work on Richie Tozier time.

**Bev** wait what

**Ben** Uh

**Mike** Now hold on a second

**Bill** WHAT

**Audra** YOUR FRIEND IS RICHIE TOZIER!?

**Stan** 🙄

**Eddie** Who the fuck is Richie Tozier?

_____

**Audra Denbrough  
** @audrama

So Stan and Patty are cancelled for failing to tell us they’ve been friends with Richie fucking Tozier for years?

> **marley** @marleyandmeme  
> WHA TTHENFFUCKGK

_____

**Eddie’s phone.**

**Dog Walking Club**

**Bev** stan please explain right now

**Stan** You’re all so dramatic. We grew up together.

**Eddie** Is anyone going to tell me who this guy is?

**Audra** Only Marley’s favorite comedian. I an’t believe you never mentioned him in front of her, Patty!

**Patty** I’ll be totally honest, I never know what Marley is trying to tell me. She only talks in memes.

**Bill** How did we not know this? I follow his socials. He’s never mentioned you, Stan!

**Stan** He’s only recently gotten control over his socials again.

**Mike** What do you mean?

**Stan** It’s not my place to say.

**Bev** i can’t believe i’m going to be walking my dog with richie tozier

**Eddie** So he’s a comedian? That’s it?

**Ben** You should watch his special Eddie, it’s really funny!

**Eddie** Is punctuality a part of it, because he’s treating this meeting time as a fucking joke.

_____

**Eddie’s phone.**

**KCC (Patty, Audra, Marley & Abby)**

**Marley** PATRICIA BLUM URIS EXPLAIN URSELF RIGHT NOW

**Audra** Hahahahah I was waiting for this

**Abby** what’s going on??

**Abby** wait nvm i just checked your twitter

**Abby** omg!!! patty!!!

**Patty** Marls, I swear if I knew you were such a big fan, I would have told you!

**Audra** Patty babe he’s the only man out there she’ll say anything remotely positive about 😂

**Eddie** Hey!

**Marley** THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU RN EDDIE THIS IS ABOUT MEAND GAY ICON RICHIE TOZIER

**Patty** I literally see him walking towards us right now, I’ll tell him you’re a fan!

**Abby** 😮

**Marley** AJDKOGJENFJK

**Eddie** Wait that’s him coming over?

**Eddie** What the FUCK does he have with him?????

_____

**Eddie Kaspbrak**  
@eddiek_

Who the FUCK puts a CAT on a LEASH and brings it to a DOG-WALKING CLUB?


End file.
